Congratulations! Few can answer yes to this question. If you don't know that which
you value in life, you're like a ship without a rudder. Drifting here and there, cruising around, but not setting out on any voyage of discovery. You've got this one.
Few answer yes to this question. If you don't know that which you value in life, you're like a ship without a rudder. Drifting here and there, cruising around, but not setting out on a voyage of discovery. A priority for you is to uncover that which you value most in life.
Surprisingly, many answer they're sitting in the passenger seat or the back seat. Some have even said they felt like they were in the boot. Good to know it's your hands firmly on the steering wheel; your foot on the pedal. Do you know where you're going?
WOO HOO! Okay, you might not know how to go about living a better life right now, but the belief will show you the way. You might be staggered to know so many do not believe they deserve to live a better life.
It may be of little comfort to know that, deep down, many do not believe they deserve to live a better life. Where do we get this belief from? Who told us this? Time to stop being a Belief Thief. Decide you do deserve to live a better life ... because you do. But it's you who has to believe that first.
Although this is a common trait, that doesn't mean it's a useful strategy. Yes, you get to feel hurt so punish yourself all over again. Yes, it's an injustice, but the biggest injustice is to yourself as you continue to play out the pain and drama. The damage this does to your body is well known. Recognise when you do this and stop ... simply stop.
You've recognised the damage of continually living in the drama of injustice and pain. Living in that state means the trauma continues. Living in the past, always looking in the rear-view mirror leads to a crash and burn accident scene. Glad you're not on that road. Look through the front windscreen. That's where you want to go isn't it?
Submerging ourselves in this content changes our outlook on life. We become blind to the lighter side of life, to all the good things. And yes, there are good things in our world. Wonder why you choose to tune into these channels. Are you a drama queen? Does it help you feel better about your own sad life? Consider tuning into a different channel.
Excellent. When we choose to submerge ourselves in this content, it changes our outlook on life. We become blind to the lighter side of life, to all the good things. And we know there are good things about our world. Yes indeed.
Glad you answered YES to this one. When we point 'The Finger of Blame' we create a powerless situation for ourselves because we're giving the responsibility for our life to others. It's our right to claim responsibility. That means we acknowledge we have the ability to respond. By responding, we learn about a new direction, perhaps a better one.
So, it's all their fault huh? Oh dear, doing that means you create a powerless situation for yourself. That means giving the responsibility for your life to others. It's your right to claim that responsibility. That means you acknowledge you have the ability to respond. By responding, you learn about a new direction, perhaps a better one.
Get in the queue! This is common self-talk. Most don't even realise they're putting themselves down. Here's a thought. Keep a little notepad with you and jot down all the times you put yourself down. Take a moment to note it in your notepad. I guarantee you'll be shocked at how many times you do. Awareness brings the ability to change.
Is that true? Could it be you're simply unaware of such self-talk? Perhaps do a check on yourself for a couple of days. Be aware of how you talk to yourself. If you still come up as a NO ... good job girlfriend!
The cloak of invisibility can be useful sometimes. But if you don't like the look, change the colour. Are you inclined to be beige and bland? Okay, no need to start wearing purples and reds. Beige and bland applies to many aspects of life. It's never too late to blossom. If you don't like an aspect of your life, only you can change it.
Have you actually caught those words echoing in your head? "Don't rock the boat!" What would happen if you decided to rock that boat? What happens when you decide not to? There's a consequence for every action.
More damaging self-talk. Saying this means you're telling your clever self you can't afford that. So you clever self goes "Oh. Okay. Whatever you say. You're the boss." And lo and behold, you will not be able to afford that. What if? What if you said "How could I afford that?" Now your clever self will go on a journey to figure out how to do exactly that. Try this out.
As you grew up, did you hear these sayings: We can't afford that. A fool and his money are soon parted, Money does not grow on trees, I'd rather be poor and happy than rich and sad? Answer yes if you heard two or more of these sayings.
It would be a big surprise if you answered NO to this one. Most baby boomers grew up with these sayings bandied around. If you don't have the financial situation you'd like, there will be a belief you have around money that stops you from having the situation you'd prefer. Believe me.
When did you start doing that? Putting others first I mean. You know about the safety demonstration on a plane. You always have to put your oxygen mask on first. If you don't, you're no good to anyone. And you get to die. When will you decide you're worth looking after?
Putting yourself first is essential for living a happy balanced life. Does this mean to be selfish? No, don't full into that trap laid by others. Putting yourself first means you value yourself, just like you value others. And if you choose to look after others, you need to be healthy and happy. That's the best energy to share. Not the energy of martyrdom.
Good news. Here's the next question. Do you only ask for what you think you deserve? There's an amazing book called "Women Don't Ask". Worth a read. If women get what they ask for, it's often because they haven't asked for very much.
Answering YES to this one often means you've not found your reason for living or that life has been a disappointment. Take heart. There is 'more'. Determine to discover what and where that 'more' is. Shine your light.
So you've lived a full and happy life. You've looked into different ways of viewing your time here on this planet and with whom you shared this time. You've boldly gone ahead. You've stood up to the critical voices. You've dared to be you. I salute you.
It's never, ever too late. Start now. Right now. Write down what you expect of your life.Then decide. Will you step outside your comfort zone? You know that's where life begins don't you? The life you want I mean.
When we internalise and don't verbalise, the day comes when we explode. The damage may be permanent. Learn how to express your feelings, your views in a way that allows you to be heard. This is possible.
Thank goodness you found a way to express your feelings and views on life. This is all part of being included, of being valued by our tribe/clan/family/culture/people. Saying how life is for us validates our right to have an opinion. Our right to make a difference.
And whether you're aware of it or not, you have been a shining light for others.When one is truly happy (that's not to say one's not had ups and downs) they act as an inspiration for others to believe living a happy life is possible. Keep shining and smiling.
We all have our stories about our lives; our perceptions about how it's been for us. We can change these stories. They're probably not true anyway. With our adult perspective, can we start telling a different story? If you could do that (and you can) how would your story unfold?
This way of thinking about people is a useful strategy. It helps us not get emotionally entangled. It helps us step back and wonder what benefit they're getting from doing or saying what they did. Then with a clear head, we will be more able to deal with a difficult situation.
Even if this is not totally true, and who's to say it isn't, how useful is it to view a situation in this way? Instead of getting sucked in to the emotional entanglement, we step back and wonder why they're doing or saying that. What if you looked at the next situation that doesn't make sense and asked yourself what benefit are they getting from behaving like that. Now it's a whole different picture.
Even though we might wish this wasn't true, to a greater or lesser degree, this is our reality. When we accept this is true, then we can become aware of how we modify our behaviour to gain the affection and approval of others. There's nothing wrong with wanting the affection and approval of others, unless the desire of others contradicts or denies our own desires. And we let their desire win.
For most people, regardless of age, this is true. When we accept this is true, then we can become aware of how we modify our behaviour to gain the affection and approval of others. There's nothing wrong with wanting the affection and approval of others, unless the desire of others contradicts or denies our own desires. And we let their desire win.
You are right. Research has shown that, for many, angry attention is better than no attention at all. This may give insight into why some people choose to behave in a way that attracts the anger of others.
Research has shown that, for many, angry attention is better than no attention at all.This may give insight into why some people choose to behave in a way that attracts the anger of others. Remember, people aren't broken.
Indeed we do. And we see evidence of this each and every day. Perhaps you're doing this right now? Before we get angry at how we are treated by others, we need to look at how our responses, actions and expectations have set up this pattern of behaviour. To do that, identify a situation you don't like in your life right now. What actually happens? Could you detail, on paper, that scene as it plays out? What if you changed one part of how you normally respond in this situation? Decide which part you will change and be determined to do so when it happens again. Because it will happen again. It may take more than one or two scene 'replays' before a change happens.
If we deny this concept, we deny ourselves the use of a handy tool to determine if we do train people how to treat us. Here's what that means. Identify a situation in your life right now you don't like. What actually happens? Could you detail, on paper, that scene as it plays out? What if you changed one part of how you normally respond in this situation? Decide which part you will change and be determined to do so when it happens again. Because it will happen again. It may take more than one or two scene 'replays' before a change happens.
Staying inside your comfort zone means you don't do anything different to how you've always done it. That's fine if you're happy, if you're getting the results you want in life. Staying inside your comfort zone often means you're living your life as laid down by others. When is it time to break free?
And it's sayings like this that keep you in your comfort zone, afraid to poke even a little toe out. Stop living in a situation where there are only devils. Step out and find the angels. Be courageous enough to do that. Your life will change.
Okay, this is a tongue-in-cheek question. However, have you ever thought that about others? About how they don't have common sense? About how your way is the right way? Be careful about adopting this superior position. Is it possible you could be wrong?
Somehow, I think there would've been a time in your life when you did wonder at the lack of common sense in others. But probably not to the degree of adopting a superior position of always being right. What seems lacking in common sense is only measured by what we currently know is true of the world. What we all agree to deem as a 'fact'. And we've been proven wrong on that score, many times.
DANGER! Okay, mum said this and we know her good intention behind saying it. But let's look at the reality. This is often said to little children and we all know things that are not nice happen to little children. Heck, 'not nice' things happen to us as adults. Though as adults, we know we have a choice. Little children take our words literally. Besides, we've already discussed the dangers of internalising instead of verbalising.
GOOD! This is a dangerous saying that mum taught us, with all good intentions. But let's look at the reality. This is often said to little children and we all know things that are not nice happen to little children. Heck, 'not nice' things happen to us as adults. Though as adults, we know we have a choice. Little children take our words literally. Besides, we've already discussed the dangers of internalising instead of verbalising.
Looks similar to the previous question, but what you're being asked here is are you a martyr? If you don the suit of martyrdom, you do it because it gives you some benefit. Find out what that benefit is. Having to be around a martyr is painful to others. Except for those who love to twist the knife further so you can deepen your martyrdom experience. Nasty.
Phew! This looks similar to the previous question, but it's asking if you're inclined to be a martyr. But you knew that. Perhaps you've known someone in your life who was inclined to act as a martyr. Being around a martyr is painful. Except for those who love to twist the knife further to deepen the martyr's experience. Not you, thankfully.
Well take a bow. Fewer than 1% could answer yes to this question. We know how we feel when we get angry, but we have no clue what we look like. Yet who does? That's right, every other person in our life. And how we look can be intimidating or an invitation to fight.
And very few have even thought this might be important. But it is. How do you appear to others when you're angry? Do you act in an intimidating or inferior way? Do you clench your jaw, squint your eyes or stop breathing? Do you pull yourself up to a greater height or shrink yourself down so you're less of a target? You cannot change anything if you're not aware of it.
This is true for 99.99999% of the time. We're like little kids with our lower lip jutting out as we stamp our foot and say "It's not fair!" Accepting this as true will help see the real reason why we're angry. Perhaps we can be more flexible, more realistic?
This is true for 99.99999% of the time. Please email me if you can think of any other strong reason why we get angry. Out of thousands of participants in my workshops, no one has ever come up with a realistic alternate reason. When we're angry, we're like little kids with our lower lip jutting out as we stamp our foot and say "It's not fair!" Accepting this as true will help see the real reason why we're angry. Perhaps we can be more flexible, more realistic?
Indeed it is. When an event happens that causes us to leap into fight or flight mode, the red mist descends and the heat rises. In that state we now determine our behaviour. This is not a good strategy Sherlock. Notice when we react defensively, the other reacts defensively, most of the time. There is an old school saying 'Every cloud has a silver lining' so look for it. Our life is not meant to be one smooth road, angling gently upwards. There are potholes and detours and rabbits sitting in the middle of the road. How we respond to adversity sets our course along either the high road or the low road. It is a choice.
I can understand why you marked this as a NO. Notice when we react defensively, the other reacts defensively, most of the time. Our life is not meant to be one smooth road, angling gently upwards. There are potholes and detours and rabbits sitting in the middle of the road. How we respond to adversity sets our course along either the high road or the low road. It is a choice. Besides what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. It is our response to what happens that makes the difference. How's your response working out for you?
What if you decided to not watch TV for one night? Just one night. What would you do? Oh my gosh, the opportunities are boundless. You could even start to write a book. Reflecting on your life, have you ever said "I should write a book"? There is so much more to life than slumping in front of the box every night. But hey, I'm not here to judge. If you're totally happy with your life right now and getting the results you want, then why change anything?
And who would watch TV every night? Perhaps some nights, but not every night. There is so much more to life. And at our fine age, we still have many more years to go, but not as many as we once had. Remember, we're the youngest today than we ever will be. Time to use our precious time in a way that thrills us, supports us and causes us to feel our life is worth living. Good on you for recognising the value of your time.
Even if you don't strongly defend your position, that doesn't mean you don't have a strong need to be right. You just allow it to go underground, your need to be right I mean. In general, baby boomers battle with this strong need to be right. Perhaps we can remember our parents did too? It is far more useful to not dig deep your pit of 'rightness'. You just might be wrong.
Does your answer mean you've found a way to be open to what others have to say? That you truly listen and weigh up the pros and cons of the situation? Yes, it is difficult to have a belief challenged by another. Especially if that belief is one you've held for your entire life. And especially if that 'other' is a much younger person. What would they know anyway? Well, they might know the truth of the matter. But we'll be stuck in dogma if we refuse to listen to another point of view.
It turns out most of us hold two common beliefs about ourselves, and "We're not good enough" is one of them. Whether we're aware of it or not, these beliefs operate in the background and determine the decisions we make in life. How to change it? Notice when you hear these words pop into your head, or out of your mouth. Realise they're not true. They're something you were told a long time ago. Time to let go of anything that holds you back. Because you ARE good enough. Believe me.
Congratulations! This is one of two commonly held beliefs most people have about themselves. It is easy to see the damage a belief like this will do to your life. The simple cure is awareness. Hear what you think and say and feel what you do when these words are said. But wait, you don't have this problem.
Indeed it is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So ask yourself next time you're at the crossroads "What outcome do I want here, bitter or better?" Sure, most people say they don't want an outcome that's bitter for them, but how many times do we go right ahead and act in a way that results in a bitter outcome? So, if you decide to choose 'better' how will you respond now?
Next time you're at the crossroads, a situation where it could go either way, pause and ask yourself "What outcome do I want here, bitter or better? Sure, most people say they don't want an outcome that's bitter for them, but how many times do we go right ahead and act in a way that results in a bitter outcome? So, if you choose 'better' how will you respond?
Now is the time to look at your life and decide what you want to do. Then look at why you want to do it? Does your 'Why' make you cry? Write something down on paper. Why are you here? What legacy would you like to leave? Go on ... play with this for a while.
And as you look at the number plate of the vehicle bearing down upon you, you notice it reads FEAR. And that's what FEAR does, paralyses and stops us from taking ACTION. Yet that is the antidote to FEAR. ACTION. So you can Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise. As always, the choice is yours.
Many choices here. I AM happy, sad, pretty, clever, tall, short, lean, fat, and so the list goes on. The trick is to choose an ending that helps you to stand taller, smile broader and travel through life easier doing what you love to do.
The only person you can change is the person sitting in your seat. Think about it, we have difficulty changing ourselves let alone changing someone else. However, we can influence them. To do that, we need to be the role model. Are we that? It cannot be 'Do what I say, not what I do.'
Time for some serious thinking. We are the age we are. Why not revel in that? No use chasing the botox treatments if we have a grumpy face. I know this is a cliche, but true beauty does shine from within. Ugly has many guises.
This is a common reaction when we think we've done something dumb. Shouldn't we have known better? Notice what happens when we ask this question of ourselves. Our obedient mind will come up with all the things that are wrong with us. And that list will be long. Of course, the bonus is we now get to feel even worse.
So what's stopping you? We plot and plan for our holidays, but not for our life. How crazy is that? Okay, perhaps you have your goals in your head. We carry a lot of 'stuff' in our headspace. Time to empty some of it out. Write your goals down today. Get clear.
If you truly do believe you deserve to get your goals, then you've probably achieved most of them. Accolades to you. Few women, especially baby boomers, believe they deserve to get their goals. By the way, are your goals big enough? Are you shooting for the moon when you could shoot for the stars?
The recognition of this is significant. You cannot achieve anything in life if you feel you are not worthy. Awareness is key. You probably got this idea of 'unworthiness' from a childhood incident. That's history. It's a story that was simply someone else's opinion and not a fact. Change the story.
This is almost a trick question because what does it mean to be 'too emotional'? However, it's your response that matters, not another's opinion. To answer YES means you think you're too emotional. So what do you really mean? People aren't broken. We do what we do because of the benefit that gives us. If it is true you are too emotional, what benefit does that give you?
Good, as long as the pendulum hasn't swung to the other side and you lack emotion. Emotion is 'energy in motion'. Yes, not good when it's erratic, lashing out at all and sundry. But also not good if there is no energy, if all one sees is a robot and not a real human.
Of course you have, just like most people have. So what to do about that? Learn some new skills. The first step might be to study non-verbal communication. Why? Because you will become skilled at picking up clues from their tone of voice and body language. These clues will be your early warning system, alerting you to adjust what you're doing.
Really? Few would answer NO to this one. Seems like you've done a lot of work. That's one of the many benefits of being over 50 and maintaining a zest for life. Of wanting to shine more brightly so others can be guided by the light. Congratulations.
We need to be careful with body language (Non-verbal communication). Making a judgement from only one body language sign is purely an assumption. Best to back your assessment up with at least one other supporting sign.
You may have answered YES, but is that really true? And indeed, it may be. It's just that so many aren't. Being a good listener is the first and most important part of good communication. Nothing else is possible if listening doesn't happen.
Surprisingly, in my workshops, many own up to not being a good listener. Self knowledge is good, but not if you do nothing with it. How can you improve your listening ability? Being a good listener is the first and most important part of good communication. Nothing else is possible if listening doesn't happen.
Excellent! If we can't speak our truth, tell others how it is for us then life is difficult.Yes, it is difficult speaking our truth too, but there really is no alternative. If we can't do this now, as women over 50, when will we?
If we can't speak our truth, tell others how it is for us then life is difficult. Yes, it is difficult speaking our truth too, but there really is no alternative. If we can't do this now, as women over 50, when will we?
Of course, this is the most obvious answer. Now consider this, do you ask for enough, for what you deserve, for what you're worth? If not, why not? What belief must you have running in the background of your mind that causes you to not ask for what you're worth? Find out.
For many, they don't ask for what they want because the other should already know. Another reason is because it's not 'nice' to ask. Not sure of your reason, it may not be either of these, but if you don't ask for what you want, it's likely you won't get it. I know what you're thinking "Even if I ask for it I won't get it". How do you know that?
Yes, because you deserve to celebrate how far you've come, those good things you've created in life. Sure, you've made mistakes, had some tough times, but from those times, you've grown. As the saying goes "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Time to start. Look at how far you've come. Focus on the good in your life. Yes, it's difficult to see sometimes, but it's there. Even if it's saying thank you to yourself for having the courage to take this diagnostic discovery. Woo hoo!
Perhaps not all the time, but a lot of the time. That means you are blind to the good in your world. Determine to notice only that which is good. Take heed of a 104 year old woman who confided "I know about the bad, but I only notice the good."
Indeed they do. Some of us have dug a trench so deep, not much light can get in.The trouble with having such rigid rules is we're stuck in the mindset of righteousness. We offer little opportunity for new ideas to seep in to pollute or muddy the waters. No matter our age, it is important to our wellbeing to keep an open mind.
Are you absolutely sure you do not live your life bound by your own rigid rules? Is it simply that you're not aware of them? Often, we get upset with others because they do not live by our rules, yet we never actually tell them what our rules are. They should know right? It's just common courtesy and good sense after all. If you can truly
answer No to this question then I applaud your good sense and flexibility.